This morning, I weighed in at 199.5.
I got off of the scale, then I got on the scale, then I got off of the scale, and back on, once again.
This was the first of my many goals. I haven't been below 200 in...well, way too long for me to remember. Many, many years ago. And, here I am again.
Seeing this number set me off for the day. I was feeling bright, happy, joyous. Most of all, I was hit with an incredible surge of energy and renewal.
Weight loss to me has always been something that other people do. I have long been jealous of women who wake up one day and say, "I'm done." and then work their asses off to be a better them. Of course, we all know that we could do the very same thing. I always knew that my body was capable of being thin - my fat wasn't permanent - but, it wasn't going to go away on its own. But, in the back of my mind, I don't think that I believed it. I didn't believe that if I just ate right and exercised, I would lose weight. I don't know why it didn't feel real to me, but I know that's the truth. Nothing ever motivated me to get off of my ever widening rear end and DO something.
So, now that I've given this a shot, and I'm seeing all of this progress...well, it's like a shot in the arm. If I exercise, I will lose weight. Statement of fact. If I don't eat junk for food, I will feel better, physically and mentally. Sometimes, it's not until you DO these things and SEE the proof that you'll actually believe it.
I hope that makes sense.
My next goal is 10 pounds, and I'd like to do it in less than a month. I finally picked up some 5 lb. dumbbells at the store last night, and I just worked my arms out until they were exhausted. I had fun doing it, too. I think one of my main issues is that I loathe gyms. I can't exercise if I don't feel comfortable, and I don't feel comfortable in a room full of what are almost always really, really fit people. I have social anxiety in a normal situation - but, being a fatty on a treadmill in a room full of strangers, even if they aren't paying attention and couldn't care less...well, it's not comfortable for me. So, I do my dancing and now I have some weights. There's a work around for everything.
I've had a few people use the word "inspirational" when it comes to this blog, and it's not possible for me to be any more flattered. But, like I told one of these people yesterday, I would be far more flattered if something you read in my blog actually made you DO something. Maybe you exercise today, when you normally wouldn't have. Maybe you start paying more attention to nutritional labels, lower the amount of sodium you ingest, try to cut out some saturated fats. Maybe you're not even trying to lose weight and you just work on your outlook. All of us are negative in some way. No one is perfect. But, with conscious effort, you can change that. Just be conscious of your actions, words and thoughts. If you're thinking something nasty about someone, stop. Just stop. If you're about to get angry at someone for something, just stop. Find a way to express how you're feeling without cursing, without blaming, without yelling. Instead of judging, try to understand. This is something I have to do every day, because I'm coming from such a negative place. It's in my nature to point out the bad, or to complain. And, I still do it, I'm not "healed"...but, I do it less. And, I catch things before I say them, and consider, "Does that need to be said? Will saying that make any positive difference or offer any help?" Just thinking this way has stopped me from saying many, many things that would bring nothing positive to anyone. So, I just don't say it.
This is a rambling post. I apologize.
Get out there and do something today.
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