Who are you? Who who? Who who?

I guess I haven't really said much of anything about myself here.  I know that everyone reading is probably a friend of mine, and already know the basics, but on the off chance a stranger happens upon my blog, here's some info.

I'm Ali.  I'm soon to be 34 years old.  My high weight was 235ish and my current weight is hovering right around 203.5.  Stupid Thanksgiving.  I live with my boyfriend of almost a decade and our four cats.  Yes, four, don't judge.  I am a Psychology student, and I plan to focus my study on GLBT (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender) issues.  I am a recent transplant to Denver via Miami, where I was born and raised.  I'm kind of in love with this state, so far.  I don't much care for the heat, but I adore the cold.  It should now go without saying that I am a weird gal.

My weight was pretty decent all through childhood and high school.  I was very active through those years.  I thought that I was a blimp in high school, but when I look back at pictures from that time, I'm jealous of that blimp-like figure.  I wasn't fat at all.  Kids can be so mean.

About 12 years ago, I started to gain weight.  I started drinking lots of wine and eating lots of crap.  I did this very thing for the next 12 years.

Cut to now.  Drinking went the way of the dinosaur about six months ago.  I tried having a drink a few weeks ago, and all it did was give me a headache three sips in.  So, without alcohol, I was free to actually attempt dieting.  Jason Mraz was actually the first person to make me think about drastically changing the way I ate.  I truly hope you know who Jason Mraz is, but in case you don't, he's an amazing singer/songwriter/inspirationalist that I think everyone should be celebrating.  Seriously, he's the bees knees.  He has a blog, and he posts a lot about positivity - both mental, and physical.  I admit to skimming some of these early posts, as I was a negative person, and negative people reject positivity.  But, eventually, I started to read them.  He started eating extremely healthily and practicing yoga.  His whole outlook changed.  He began living for positivity and health.  His girlfriend, Tristan Prettyman (she's an amazing singer/songwriter/inspirationalist that I think everyone should be celebrating), shares the same beliefs in food, life and positivity, and her Twitter makes me happy on a daily basis.  For the record, I hate Twitter.  Her Twitter, however, has been bookmarked and is looked at every morning alongside CNN and Facebook.  Between the two of them, they inspired me. 

I also have a friend - Rachael - who has been dieting raw and loves it.  I saw the transformation in her online posts - lots of positivity and happiness, lots of fun hiking and outdoor activities - and, I wanted in.

So, I started the diet and I started this blog.

If you're reading...thanks for stopping by and have a fantastically, deliciously, powerfully amazing day.

Superfood.

I thought I'd share what my smoothie looks like before it's a smoothie.  I tend to just grab any and all veggies and fruits I have around, and throw them in.  I can't seem to get the skin on grapes blended down to nothing, so I eat those as snacks and they're rarely included in my smoothies.

I always include the banana, as it does a great job of masking any sour flavors.  But, honestly, when everything is blended up, you really don't taste any one thing (aside from banana, of course).  Somehow, my smoothies come out tasting a lot like cinnamon, and I'm really not quite sure why.  Might be the Acai?  I don't know what flavors are combining to form cinnamon, but I'm not complaining.

I also like to make a big batch of smoothie and keep a whole smoothie covered, waiting in the fridge.  I'm lazy, and I know that I tend to wait until I am extremely hungry to make a smoothie (a bad habit I have to work on), so I like to have one in reserve.

I do want to mention something that most people are grossed out by, but I won't be too graphic about it...

Poop.  I SAID POOP!  Without getting too graphic (too late?), the most obvious benefits to this diet, so far, is that my digestive system is very happy with me.  The Vitamineral Greens label warns that if you use too much of it, too quickly, you can experience some bowel issues.  Greens work as a disgestive cleanse - especially when you first start out - and, I guess some people have had some issues.  I have not.  When you start drinking smoothies like this, the body doesn't have to work very hard at all to digest them.  And, since the entire smoothie is one big vitamin, your body actually absorbs and makes use of every single thing you're ingesting, hence all of the energy.

I posted a picture of my smoothie yesterday to Facebook, and all of the responses were basically, "EWWW!"  And, I get that.  That would have been my comment a year ago.  We've been trained to see green and make a face.  Yummy food isn't green!  In current American society, "yummy" food is usually brown.  How boring is that?

Death to brown foods, and viva la smoothie!

Don't knock it 'til you've tried it!

When I started this diet, I said that I would stop eating all processed food.  And, I am cutting out 99% of the processed foods I am used to eating.  But, there are a few things I am letting slip through the cracks.

One of these exceptions is So Delicious Coconut Milk.  I love milk.  I don't want to drink or eat cow products, so regular milk is out.  It's not all that good for you, anyway.  Coconut milk, however, is excellent for you.  OK, let me be straight, it tastes funny.  Because, my brain sees milk and tells my tongue that it should expect to be tasting cow milk any second.  And, then my mouth fills with something completely different and my brain curses me.  But, I'll get used to it.  It's not awful, just different.  I haven't used it in my smoothies yet, but I plan to.

Also being let through is Annie's Goddess Dressing.  Annie's proudly announces right on the label that they don't use anything artificial, and a quick check of the ingredients backs that up.  So, I got some to use a tiny bit of on my spinach.

I also got some canned tuna in water.

Keep in mind that I am so neurotic that the inclusion of these items in my supermarket basket caused me much stress.  I felt that I was going soft, easing up on the strict rules that I had set for myself.  I had 1/2 cup of Kashi granola last night, and I wanted to end myself.  How dare I?  The carbs!  The sugar!  Of course, Kashi is an excellent, healthy company and this granola was something TOO healthy for my old way of life.  What was going on here?  Why the guilt?

It's true what they say - don't make your diet miserable.  If chocolate is your big craving, and you simply don't allow yourself a single taste of chocolate in your diet, not ever...well, you'll be face down in a pile of chocolate in no time.  Full elimination isn't necessary.  There are obviously some people who have the ability to never be tempted by their favorite foods...these people are superhuman and should not be looked upon as the norm.  We normal people need a little piece of chocolate once in a while, or we'll go insane.

Oh, how I am enjoying my green smoothies, though.  Look how green they are!

That's what I'm currently drinking, and it's delicious.  The Greens make the smoothies look like pond sludge, honestly, but the flavor is excellent.  It's amazing how many vegetables you can cram into one of these things without even tasting it.  This has loads of spinach and broccoli in it, but all I taste is the pineapple, banana, and pear that I also added.  I loaded up on the Vitamineral Greens, but don't taste that, either.  It's really delicious and I feel wonderful drinking it.

As for my weight, I bounced back up a few pounds after Thanksgiving and the ensuing slippage I incurred over the weekend.  At no point did I fully fall off of the wagon, but I was kinda hanging off of it.  The desire for chips!  For ice cream!  For meat.  Dear lord, for meat.  Anything but fruit and vegetables.  When I start feeling these things, I immediately cram grapes into my mouth, or drink some coconut milk.  It'll be easier when I clean all of the crap food out of the house.  It's hard, having all of these bad temptations within arms' reach.

The weekend after next, I'm going snowboarding.  I had a hard time finding snowboarding pants, because they usually don't make really big snowboarding pants.  Not a whole lot of fatso snowboarders out on the mountain.  This weekend, I went back to Sports Authority and exchanged my crazy big clown pants for a much less clowny smaller size.

That was a great feeling.

But, no more backtracking and slipping.  I'm back on the wagon and I'm STAYING HERE.

Stupid wagon.

I'm only human, after all.

The past few days have been tough on me (and, the diet).  Thanksgiving was fantastic, and my boyfriend and I shared it with good friends.  I didn't feel particularly guilty, eating Thanksgiving food on Thanksgiving.  I did, however, feel guilty about eating Thanksgiving food the day after Thanksgiving.  Ugh.

And, last night, I broke down and ate some tortilla chips.  I know that sounds ridiculous.  "Oh, no!  Tortilla chips!"  But, it disappoints me.

I'm back on track, though.  I've been making smoothies for a few days now, and it's great.  I got a ton of fruit and veggies at Costco, which is really the way to go.  So cheap!

My first smoothie was a mishmash of random good stuff.  What went into it?

Spinach
Carrots
Broccoli
Banana
Pineapple
Greens

That might not sound too great, but let me tell you, it was really very good.  I find that when I use banana, the weird stuff is well masked.  I could only barely taste the broccoli (the one veggie I wasn't sure would mix well) and what I did taste of it didn't clash.  When I told my boyfriend about the smoothie, he said, "What, you didn't use any of the green beans?"

Next time, I will.  Might as well get as much into that glass as I can.

My energy level is way up.  I couldn't run a marathon tomorrow, but I certainly have more energy than I did a few days ago.  I find myself getting angry less often - my brain just stops for a split second and warns me not to flip out.  That doesn't mean that I have a perfectly even keel - but, it's a lot better.

I should talk about my exercising.  I am a person who hates the gym.  Not just because exercise is hard work, but because I don't like working out with a bunch of people.  I feel silly when I exercise, and the only way exercise works for me is if I'm able to be silly without worrying about it.  So, I don't go to the gym.  I stay home, and I dance.  I load my little Shuffle up with all of the songs I love, and I dance.  It sounds ridiculous, I know, but it's fantastic exercise.  No type of dance, in particular, I just move however my body wants to move.  And, unlike working out at the gym, an hour of dancing goes by before I know it.  I actually went down to the gym here at my apartment complex the other night.  I walked on the treadmill, bored, watching the clock.  I wound up leaving after a mile on the treadmill, because the room was terribly hot and there wasn't a thermostat in sight.  I came home and danced for an hour.  Dancing was a much, much more intensive workout.  Added bonus?  I controlled the temperature!

So, I prefer to create my own ways to burn calories.  I do need to incorporate some weight training into my workout, though.

All in all, I feel better.  I am happier and less stressed. 

And, that's what this is all about!

It's easy being Green.

I've been waiting anxiously today for the arrival of my smoothie blender and Vitamineral Greens.  As soon as they arrived, I tore open the box like an excited child on Christmas morning.  I washed the blender and set in to make myself my first Green smoothie.

I apparently only have apples.  I have oranges, but I've read that citrus can clash with the Greens.  So, I just made an apple smoothie. 

1 1/2 Granny Smith Apples

1 heaping Tablespoon of ground Flax

1 tsp Vitamineral Greens

about 1/2 cup of apple juice (organic, 100% juice)

a few handfuls of ice

It's alright.  I'm not going to lie and say that it's wonderful and I've never tasted something so great.  It's really pretty decent, though, and the problems I have with my smoothie have nothing to do with the taste - it's the texture.  I don't think the flax broke down in the blender, so it's kinda gritty in there.  I know it's the flax, for sure.  Plus, I think I still have a few remnants of apple skins, so maybe I need to blend it longer next time.  As far as the Greens, I don't taste them.  I've heard the taste described as what it's like to lick the bottom of a dirty fish bowl.  While I'm fairly certain that eating it on it's own does taste that horrific, it doesn't taste like much of anything at all in my smoothie.

I will say this.  I was starving before I made the smoothie, because I didn't have anything really great to eat before it got here.  So, I was really, really hungry and this thing has almost filled me up and I'm not even halfway through with it.  I don't think that I'll have any problem replacing lunch and breakfast with one of these, especially after I get some more fruits and veggies to experiment with.

Also, on the weight end of things, I am down to 202.5, as of this morning.  I didn't expect to have lost weight after Thanksgiving (and, the caloric splurge), but I guess it's good to have Thanksgiving with friends who don't try to make every dish a lesson in heart attacks.  Most of what I ate yesterday was delicious, but not terribly unhealthy.  There wasn't a pound of butter and cream in the potatoes, the sweet potatoes weren't covered with sugar and marshmallows.  There was dessert, but let's not talk about that.

I'm feeling good, I know that I'm showing the weight that I'm losing, and my confidence is higher.  Every once in a while, I'll imagine my body in excellent shape - well muscled, lean, powerful...and, it makes me grin from ear to ear.  It's nice to be excited about something that isn't left to chance.

I CAN be stronger.

I CAN be healthy.

I CAN be positive.

I can be happy. :)

Would you shut up already?

Today, my boyfriend let me know that he couldn't listen to constant diet talk.  He said this just as I was exuberantly describing how much looser a pair of my "too tight" pants were.  At first, I was taken aback.  How rude.  I stomped off, pouting.  But, then I thought about it.  I had been barking diet talk into this poor man's ear for days.  Even before I started the diet.

I can't stand people like that.  I love passionate people and I love people who have information that can benefit me and want to tell me all about it.  But, there's a line.  There has to be a balance. 

And, so I got it.  It sunk in.  I've since been making a conscious effort to tone down the diet talk and throw in a few other topics, so that I don't burn the boy out.  He's heard me be this enthusiastic before, and those times didn't amount to much. I know how amazed he'll be when he realizes that this isn't a phase for me, and that I am going to do everything in my power to change my life.

It's hard not to talk about it, or to concentrate on something else.  It's why I created this blog.  I didn't want to inundate my Facebook friends with diet talk every day, and I didn't want to mix it in with all of my Livejournal business.  I thought that it deserved its own forum, even if it really just amounted to a few good friends and family checking it once in a while.

I don't care about the size of the audience I receive, I'm just glad to have an outlet.

Those of you who are reading this, though.  Thank you :)  I hope you can take something from it.

StressFood.

I am guilty of being a stress eater.  Well, and an every-other-time eater.  But, I think it's common for people to grab at food when they're stressed, often without even thinking about it.  I guess that's one of the things I'm trying to do more of now:  Think about my food.  Am I really hungry?  Do I need to eat this or would the much healthier that be just as good?  Why am I really eating this?

Today, my dad had major surgery and I'm waiting to hear how everything went.  I know that he's fine, but I'm worried.  He's my Dad.

So, I wound up in the kitchen, about to get all grabby with the fridge.  It was the first time in the past few days that I wasn't thinking about the food.  I was hungry, I was upset, and I was going to eat.  I don't know what I was going to eat, but you can bet I wasn't craving carrots.  Luckily, I caught myself before any damage was done, and took a second to think about what I was doing.  I was hungry, that much was true.  But, I didn't need to eat crap to make myself feel better.

When we're young, I think that a lot of us give fruits and vegetables a certain reputation.  For me, they were the parts of meals that I had to eat.   And, I think that as an adult, no one's there to make sure we get the foods we need, so we drop the food we don't care for.  Mom wouldn't have let you have McDonald's every day.

And, what's the most surprising is how absolutely delicious good food is.  Raw almonds have really been kicking my ass lately, because I am addicted to their flavor.  I have a bag of them next to my laptop at all times, as an immediate craving ender.  I take tiny little bites out of each one, making it last.  And, they're delicious.  They're fantastic.  They're made all the more wonderful by the lack of guilt that follows a big handful of them.

This now sounds like a commercial for almonds.  Go get you some almonds!

So, back to the kitchen and the stress.  I stood there looking at so many bad foods.   They offered sugar and complex carbohydrates and crazy sodium and huge amounts of fat and shocking caloric loads.  They did not offer energy.  They didn't offer mental clarity.  They didn't offer metabolic stability or digestive strength.  They just offered a few minutes of pleasure.  And, I can't allow myself to choose a few minutes of pleasure over my health anymore.

I'm sure that my dad will be fine, and that a white bread ham and swiss sandwich with loads of mayo won't make him feel any better or get me news any faster.

In fact...it's sandwiches like that that made it necessary for my father to have surgery today and almost die from a heart attack a few years ago.

So, I chose an apple, a handful of almonds, and a few baby carrots.  It sounds so radical, but is it?  And, I'm going to eat them slowly, and enjoy the flavors.  I'm not going to condemn my sweet baby carrots to a thick coating of ranch dressing.  I will enjoy each and every flavor and be thankful that my food is loving me, instead of hating me.

Cheating.

Last night I ordered a good blender and some Vitamineral Greens from Amazon and should get them the day after Thanksgiving.  Which is good, since Thanksgiving does not count.  Even so, I've cut processed foods out already.  Except for...

Coke Zero.  I'm still drinking them.  Which is cheating.  I will immediately stop drinking them when they run out/when the blender and greens get here.  I rely on caffeine right now, but I'll replace the morning coffee/Coke Zero with a green smoothie.  I assume that there will be a speedbump at that point, since I've been drinking a lot of caffeine, rather often.  I'm not beating myself up over it.  I'll take whatever caffeine detox comes my way.  I know that caffeine is definitely affecting my entire days, and I'm ready to see that change.

I'm only doing official weigh-ins once a week, but being new at this, and excited about it, I weighed myself this morning and got 204.5.  Don't know why, exactly, but okay!

My mood, overall, has been outstanding.  I'm certainly not running around, full of energy yet...but, it's coming.  And, I've had a little taste of it at this point.

Why didn't I do this sooner?

Could it be the food?

For the longest time, I've been down.  Run down.  Down thoughts.  Down actions.  Just negative in every way.  I'm highly stressed, even though I don't have a particularly stressful life.  I snap easily, and I have a bad temper.  I always feel tired, and though I actually have the desire to exercise and get fit, I don't have the energy.  I get dizzy a lot, and I often have minor headaches.  I have stomach problems (I have long suspected an ulcer), and digestion tends to make me nauseous.  I have heart palpitations and I would not be surprised if I either have diabetes or I'm pre-diabetic.

I've dug myself into a huge rut, and I need to get out before I have a nervous breakdown, lose friends, wind up in the hospital or just plain have a heart attack or stroke and die.

My father had a major heart attack, and he is overweight.  I think that his heart attack was what first got me really good and scared about the way my life was going.

But, it's not just the physical.  I'm a negative person, and I don't like it.  I'm sure my boyfriend doesn't like it.  Who would?  And, it's not my nature.  I'm a relatively funny person - outgoing, despite social anxiety.  Yet, my mind constantly invents and then recycles negative thoughts.  I'm fighting myself, here.

This blog isn't just about vegetables and superfood.  It's about trying to become a better person for myself, and for the people in my life.

Weight Post.

As of today, I weigh 205.5 lbs.  That's something I've always kept pretty secret.

We'll see what next week brings.

Today, I made a big pot of quinoa mixed with loads of cilantro, a little sea salt, some black pepper, a bit of olive oil and several heaping scoops of ground flax.  It's edible, but not the most delicious thing.  That's not the food's fault - it's mine.  I'm going to have to scour the internet for good recipes.  I still need to get a blender and some Vitamineral Greens.  I've got some fruit in the house, so I should be able to pull it off until I get the appropriate supplies.  Even after just this first day of not putting anything bad into my body, I feel more energy.

What am I doing here?

A while back, I realized that I was not well.  Not well physically, and not well mentally.  I had to take a good, hard look at my life and try to figure out where I was going wrong.

I came up with many things that I needed to change, but the most pressing and important of them was food.  Food is so very important and it is so taken advantage of.  I love food, but I certainly haven't been picking the best of it to eat.  The food I put into my body is processed and wrecked with chemicals.  Nothing is fresh, nothing is healthy.

I lack energy.  I lack focus.

I never really feel very well.

So, are we really what we eat?  I truly think we are.

So, I'm going to do something nice for myself.  I'm going to cut out processed foods.  I'm going to introduce green superfood into my diet and replace breakfast and lunch with a nutrient rich, green smoothie.  I'm going to harness the extra energy this awesome foodstuff gifts me with, and I'm going to exercise.

For so many years, I have whined, "I want to be fit.  I want to be thin.  I want to wear smaller clothing.  I want to stop feeling like a big, fat, lazy slob."

All the whining, and no doing.  I don't know if I thought that a magic genie was going to pop out of my living room lamp and grant me the wish of hotness?

So, that's what this blog is about.  Me doing.

I'll post my weight updates here, as well as how my body reacts (freaks out) on this new diet. 

Here's to hoping.